The purpose of this blog is to be somewhat of an online diary, as I navigate my third trimester of pregnancy as well my journey back into fitness. So I figured my first blog should discuss my decision to become a mom.
To begin, I honestly never wanted to be mom. I am the oldest of three kids and we each have extremely large age gaps. Currently, I am 34 years old, my brother is 22 years old (12 years younger than me), and my sister is 15 years old (18 years younger than me). Additionally, a majority of my life my mother was a single parent which left me doing a lot of babysitting since I was so much older. As a result, I decided children were too much work, took up to much time and money, and I had no interest in those types of inconveniences in my life. I decided my life would be much better without them. Along with not wanting kids, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be married…I always had this vision of myself of being this savvy rich business woman who had dates with younger men and lived a happy single life by my own rules.
Then I turned 25, from 25-30 years old my whole vision for life and my needs changed. I decided I wanted a family and wanted to get married. Heck I ended an engagement with a guy because he wasn’t sure he wanted more kids. I even lived in a family oriented community, that I navigated daily watching the families live wonderful lives day-dreaming about the day I would have my own.
But then I turned 30, and a different reality hit me. After years of failed relationship attempts, and hoping for a family I realized maybe that wouldn’t actually be my life and became comfortable being single. I was enjoyed my life, hanging out with friends, spending time with family…pretty much doing whatever I wanted to do in my life. And honestly it was great.
And somehow almost 3 years ago (5/2014) a friend convinced me to join plenty of fish, which is where I met the person I am currently dating. My life hasn’t been the same since we met in person. Unlike men I had feelings for in the past, he proved himself to be different than anyone else I’ve ever dated he was and continues to be consistent, reliable, dependable, into me, we have fine together, and have similar values. He is everything I wanted when I was 25! But he found me when I was almost 32. Since then I have been forced to learn to adjust to having a partner through compromise, compassion, and understanding. Somehow within this time I also ended up moving in with him, which is also new for me because I was a commitment-phobe who only lived with friends and family. But even though we were progressing in our relationship, my desire to not have kids or get married had not changed. So imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant!
I found out I was pregnant October 2016, and the doctor confirmed it the day after my birthday when I was 8 weeks. How did get pregnant? Well I kept forgetting to take my pill, and after almost a week of not taking them I decided to wait until the next month and start over. Because I had missed a week in a previous month, then took my pill and ended up spotting for three weeks straight. I hoped to avoid that by starting fresh the next month…. but my period never came. I was so surprised because I didn’t think I could get pregnant that fast, but obviously I could. Neither one of us excepted to become parents at that time, nor were we planning to have kids in the near future. We even had some disagreements because he knew he wanted kids and I was unsure. But when I got pregnant we were both shocked, and pretty much spent the first 11 weeks in denial and trying to decide whether I would have an abortion. I even scheduled an abortion for my 12th week, but at the end of my 11th week I changed my mind.
What changed my mind was the Down syndrome marker appointment. When I scheduled my abortion, I was unsure if I would go to the marker appointment because I had decided I couldn’t see myself being pregnant or a mom. But I decided to go anyway because I already had the appointment. Since I had no idea what occurred in the appointment, I didn’t know there would be a sonogram. During that sonogram unlike my 8 week sono, I saw a real baby. My baby had a head, body, arms, legs, and hands. I saw this baby moving around and throwing herself all over my belly, and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life and I knew I couldn’t abort her. This is why I decided to keep her, and how I decided to become a mom.
So now here I am 29 weeks pregnant anxiously awaiting the day to meet my little ladybug, hoping I made the right decision while being afraid of how my life is about to completely change forever. *Please excuse any grammar, or spelling error. Since this will serve as mine online journal, there will be very little proofreading.*